my crush birthday 4

[Sweet Memories]

18 April,

endut, scout girls.

the first moment that i still captured in my mind is
she pinch my cheek and said that she miss me

white, cute and chubby
the way she talked is like a peninsular lady
she have a dimple, this remind me of pretty zinta
i love them both :)

back of the times
i loved to sms her
we keep sms thru day and night
i love the way she cares for me
if i was single that time
i swear i will choose her to be mine

she is my star
because i always say that i was the moon
the moon will be alone if their no stars around

i wrote a poem about us
the tittle is "moon and stars"

when the night is come,
i got an instinct to text her
and just late a few minute
i got her text first

this always happen between us

and if i got sick, she will know it and
leave me a message "dont forget to drink ur meds"

i remember, the times when our city
got a heavy rain
she remind me to wear a thick blanket

God, i love this girl too much
i even say to her if she is my soulmate
we will continue this friendship until we get old

i dont realised my feeling on her
or might be i scared to think that is love
because i just show my feeling in the song i sing to her

i remember the first song i sing to her is
"Sweet Memories by Samsons".

everythings goes well
i feel connected to her
if we didnt see each other at school
we will met in our "little world" in sms
we shared our same favourite song
titles "Bad Day by Daniel Powter"

we always keep replying cute text
and i will save it until my draft full of her message
they are times when she say "friends forever"
i replied "yes" but in my heart, i disagree with my answer
because i cant see her like before
i like her more than anything

one night after our chat session ended
i braved myself to text her
" good night and miss you =) "
just like a flash she replied me
" good night. miss you too ^_^ "

what with endut? its a petname? no... i cant remember when the times i called her like that, i say to her maybe it was a typo. But amazingly, she like it!

she even buy me a bottle with a lot of black and white star in it
she also wrote me a "hwaiting" message in a yellow card
her favourite colour.

after i received that gift, it will always every night i will kiss that gift and keep it in the safe place, because the bottle is made by a glass, and if i not take care of it, the careless in me will break it without i realised.

the day is come...
a not so good player in me make a bet on myself
to date with 4 girl in one night
sounds Wow
but its just a plan not a real one
instead 4 girl
i just date with just *one girl

*read it on post "she and my past 4".

which the one i dated is my crush senior in their scout.
i know it was a mistake
am i BUSTED?
because i even remember that i proposed her in the text before
i want her to be more than a friend to me
but she didnt reply it

after the camping ended
i got a text from her
"i accept it"
i was damn excited but like a fool loyal
i try to get away from what i ask before
im not answer her question but i ask her back
"what did u accept it?".
they are long pause after that
i sent back my 'white lie question'
then she reply me
"never mind, that was a mistake"
and after that i smile

a perfectly smile that i regret

a year after that
i continue my study at another school
i still text her but it become so rarely

sometime i afraid if i lost her
i lost my soulmate.

one day, i go to my ex' school, it was 16 May (it should be Teacher Days)
but the rose i buy is especially for her

after i break-up with my *ex'
i text her, i want to meet her
my mind lost in my mad emotion
i cant feel myself anymore
i become so greedy

*read on "she and my past 5".

when we finally met
i ask her again what is she said before
she say to me that its nothing
then i ask her "if i ask you again will you accept it?"
and then she says i should forget this
because we are grown up
and with that last answer we separated
that time, i feel regret for getting away from her answer before

just for a couple of minute we leave the place we met
i heard "our song" playing in the air
God give me a perfect emo scene
i am so down

i really messed up our friendship,

back from the 'meeting'
i cry like an ass, turn on all sad song
write a letter
thrown it away
write a new letter
after made it i tear that letter
like a piece of bloody fool dude
i grab the precious gift and the letter
while kiss and sniff it for a last time
i made a bad decision
to gave back the gift she buy for me

i break our promised
there is no friends forever
i thrown our friendship away because of
my stupid love
i never think that the bad decision i choose
make her heart break

i am so cruel, heartless, idiot and mad

after she get that, i dont wait to her reply.
i changed my phone number.
a year after that
i feel that i gain my concious back
after i see her face in her facebook
i am so regret
i learn that
i missed her a lot
i miss our friendship
a precious friendship

before i sitting my stpm exam
i put myself back ready to claim our friendship back
i thought it was easy
no, its not.

i buy her favourite chocolate
and i sent to her by my friends cousin
i also left an apology note to her

but still
my effort is meaningless

am i done?
surely not
i try to call her back
she pick up the phone
when i ask her if she still mad at me
she says that was a long story

at that time
i realised that i didnt feel her like before
i cannot hear her sweet laugh
i cannot read her cute message again
i cannot feel the connection between us
the instinct is gone
did  time changed everything?

no its me
my biggest mistake

this is my own fault
if i didnt do that before
sure i will saved our friendship until this day.

yes,im very dissapointed to myself

samsam, if you ever read this
i am here today to formally apologise
regret for all that happen before,
im so sorry...
if i ask you
will you be my friend again?


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